Priorities of a wise Mum 8

Happy Couple, originally uploaded by Just Us 3.
This is a favourite photo of mine.  If you follow the link,  you can read the story about this couple.  They call each other Dear and Honey.  They have clearly been together a long time and enjoy sharing their lives with each other.  This photo captures something beautiful about a marriage that is happy and connected.  A wise Mum recognises that her marriage is a central relationship in her life.  You won't just drift into a happy marriage.  Your children will not grow up, leave home for you to then have a deeply fulfilling and happy marriage.  If you are not investing in your marriage now, it won't be there when you reach a new season in your life.
A couple who are not emotionally connected are a couple who are unhappy and lonely.  It is quite possible to hide the extent to which the hurt and disappointment you are feeling is impacting you both,  and it can be quite a surprise to friends and church communities when a relationship breaks down.  It does not have to be that way and it does not involve making gigantic steps that seem like hard work.
The best gift you can give your children is a good marriage.  It is the best gift you can give your church community and the best gift you can give to our broader community.  When a marriage breaks down, lots of people suffer and there will be a ripple effect that continues to impact the lives of others.
If you are reading this and have three children under the age of five, this will probably be one of the most challenging times in your marriage.  It is hard work!  I remember being told this at a marriage workshop, as I sat knitting, heavily pregnant with my third child.  I heard it and then experienced it first hand.
It will usually be the wife who recognises warning signs that all is not going well in a marriage.  If you feel like there are some cracks, you can do something about it - seek the counsel of an older woman who you trust as a start - don't leave it too late or hope that magically, things will improve on their own - they won't.  Often the first step to rebuilding emotional connection is admitting that things could be better and making a decision to do something about it.
If this is not your experience, give thanks to God and continue to nurture your relationship with your husband - invest by setting aside "couple time", have fun together and show appreciation for each other.  If you love your children, invest in your marriage.
Last night in bible study, we looked at this passage from the book of Hebrews:

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:14-16

This passage follows an earlier verse about how God sees into the very core of our beings - that everything is uncovered and laid bare before Him.  When things are not good, it is tempting to want to hide away with shame.  These verses are a strong exhortation to each of us to approach the throne of grace - at any time when we are in need.  My prayer for each of you who read this, is that you will not only hold firmly to your faith, but will also ask for help in facing your hurts, disappointments and vulnerabilities. 

After River

I have been a bit like a caterpillar of late, as I have read my way through a huge pile of books that I was fortunate enough to get and it has been wonderful.  I have recently finished reading this book "After River".  It is written by Donna Milner and she writes beautifully.  If you have read any of Joyce Carol Oates's books with any enjoyment, you will like this book.  It reminded me of "We were the Mulvaneys" which is harrowing to read, but memorable and thought provoking.  As is this book.

River is the name of a young man who arrives at a dairy farm in British Columbia in the mid 1960s.  River is an American draft dodger, who has illegally crossed the border to escape the Vietnam war.  The Ward family are dairy farmers in a tiny rural community.  The story is told by Natalie, the youngest and only daughter who is fifteen when River arrives.

The narrative moves backwards and forwards in time and the reader gradually fills in the gaps about what happens in the mid 1960s two years after Rivers arrival that tears this close family wide apart, shattering and changing their lives for ever.  It is a story about shame, secrets, small town prejudices, harboured hurts and the loss of innocence and the impact of an event on each member of this family.  It is sad and I had tears streaming down my face by the end.  There is much in the book that you could say is too coincidental or contrived, but it might have happened.  I was reluctantly drawn into the world of Atwood - a remote village in the Rockies and felt as if I was an invisible observer and participant.

It is easy to think that life was better in the "good old days", where there was no internet, computers, mobile phones, and that life in a small country village was wholesome and without problems.  Isn't that the problem the Israelites had?  Soon after they had been freed from slavery in Egypt, they were grumbling and complaining.  All they could think about was the food they had to eat - it was if they have forgotten the hardships of life in Egypt, as in their minds they had forgotten all of that in the light of the present hardships they were facing.  We can do this today and think that our life would be better, easier or less complicated if we lived in a remote village - away from the evils and perils of today. We could protect our children and ourselves if we lived in such a world.  Reading this book made me realise that life was fairly complicated back then too - many of the prejudices and "taboo subjects were the background to my childhood - I am not that sure that I would like to return to such a world.

I liked all the characters in this book and felt their realness, their pain and their hurts.  I can imagine what Atwood must be like - dominated by high mountains, five months of snow, and living in the shadows of the mountains that plunged the valley into darkness for most of the year - not always the idyllic place of our imagination.

Priorities of a wise Mum 7

Seasons of Life.jpg, originally uploaded by mbmc2122.
I have not written a blog post for a while for a number of reasons, but one concerns the seasonal nature of life.  Life has its seasons and a wise Mum understands this reality.  Living in Sydney, we don't really get to taste the four seasons of the year - it seems to move from summer to winter without much autumn.  I have a confused flowering plum tree in my garden who often thinks that autumn is the time to blossom and then it is flowering again in September.  But Ecclessiastes 3 looks at life in this way:  "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.  A time to be born and a time to die, .. a time to weep and a time to laugh..." 
If you are a mother of small children and babies, it is worth reminding yourself daily that this is a season and that it will pass.  I have three children who no longer demand to be read to, sung to, cuddled, nor do they throw totally irrational tantrums while out - they have passed that stage.  

Two weeks ago, I was plunged back into this season while looking after my nephew and niece.  Their  "stay at home dad" was having surgery and their Mum works full time.  I looked after them for four days and came home exhausted.  What did I do during this time?  I survived.  I tried to keep two children happy, fed, watered and safe and it was full on.  I didn't have much energy left to do anything else.  Jaden has down syndrome and is aged four, but he is reaching his normal milestones slowly.  Talia is 18 months old, but in many ways is easier to care for than her older brother.  
I took Jaden to his early intervention program and then had to work out the logistics of removing two children from a car in a car park and walking them safely to the playground.  We visited a number of parks, with no gates, right beside Lake Macquarie.  Sometimes they both decided to run - in opposite directions - one towards the road, the other towards the water.  I didn't attempt a shopping trip with the two of them.  We had mini picnics sitting in the sunshine, we read numerous books, we sang endless songs, we giggled together, I changed nappies from wriggling bodies and I cuddled them through furious tantrums, I put them to bed and hoped they would sleep.  I was in bed at 8.30 every night - even the lure of "PS I love You" on television was not enough to tempt me to stay up - I needed to sleep.
This season of life is physically exhausting and if you are a mother with children of this age, let me tell you - it is hard work!  You do this stuff day in and day out relentlessly, and it must seem unending.  But.... it passes, that is if you stop having babies.
It is easy to focus on the negatives of this season of life and yes, they are there, but there are many special joys - I love spending time at parks in the sunshine - this is not something I do any more.  I love reading children's picture books - surprisingly, I no longer have children who clamour for another story.  I love singing songs with children but today, my children never ask me to sing with them - they would probably die of embarrassment if I burst out into song.  Each morning these children would greet me with the biggest smiles and the biggest cuddles - that was so lovely.  Yes, it was an early start, but their happiness was infectious.
A girl in my bible study group is about to give birth to her first child.  She told me that she is not worried about being a Mum to a baby, but she is worried about being a Mum to a teenager.  But we sow the seeds of what our children will be like as teenagers when they are small.  If you are a wise Mum, you are able to focus on the season you are in with its good parts and not so good parts and know in your mind that it will pass and a new season will begin - all in good time.
The year that I had a son start High School, my other son was doing his HSC was when I had a mild stroke.  Not exactly a good time to go out of action as a mother.  Looking back, I am certain that part of us surviving as a family during that year was from the time I had invested in my children when they were small.  They were full on, but that was pretty much my life and all I did.  If you are finding this season hard, the answer is not to distract yourself with other stuff or long for when your children are older.  The best thing to do is to commit your angst, your frustrations, your tiredness to the Lord and ask Him to lift you, to energise you and to be content with this particular season.

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my saviour; my God will hear me.  Micah 7:7