Nothing is more beautiful than the LOVE that has weathered the storms of life., originally uploaded by Lidolil.
I was recently asked to write a very brief article outlining the biblical principles in marriage. This is what I came up with, but it was still too long, so I had to prune it, but this is the unpruned version. I love this photo of this couple. Despite the wrinkles, there is much beauty and dignity about them.
The bible spells out the principles that enable a marriage to bring the blessing and joy that God intends. What are these principles?
1. Marriage is a lifetime commitment
Jesus said of marriage “what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). In explaining this, Jesus went back to the creation story of Genesis 2. Adam had been created, but he had no suitable helper. While Adam slept, God took one of his ribs and made a woman from this rib.
Adam responds in delight, and then we are told:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Gen 2:24
This small verse says a great deal. It alludes to a promise or covenant that a man and woman make to each other for a lifetime commitment. During the marriage service, couples make promises to one another to last until they are separated by death. They will stick with each other through all times - not only when they are young and filled with energy, beauty and vigour, but through times of sadness, tears, aging, wrinkles, and ill health.
2. Your marriage is your primary human commitment
In leaving their parents, both husband and wife are making a new family that becomes their first priority. Parents and in-laws are not to call the shots in the relationship. And if God gives the blessing of children, Mum’s and Dad’s must ensure that time and energy goes into the marriage, not just the children.
3. Marriage is a relationship of deep intimacy
In “becoming one flesh” the author is referring not only to the sexual union of their relationship, but also describes a relationship of deep intimacy and acceptance of each other. Listen to these words: “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25)
It is hard to stand in front of someone totally naked and not feel like covering up. But God wants a marriage to be a place where both the wife and husband feel totally loved and accepted and cherished by the other - it is a “safe haven” where they are there for each other until parted by death.
4. The quality of the marriage depends upon the character of its participants
Marriages are much more likely to last when a husband and wife pay attention to their own character. There are some wonderful examples of godly and honourable marriages in the bible such as Ruth and Boaz, Abraham and Sarah, Mary and Joseph, Aquila and Priscilla. In each, both the husband and wife were people who feared and loved the Lord and this manifested itself in their behaviour towards each other.
• Husbands
Husbands are encouraged to love their wives as Christ loved the church and as they love themselves (Eph 5:25, 28 & 33). This exhortation requires a man who is prepared to put the interests and needs of his wife before his own. He is a man who provides materially for his wife and is concerned about her spiritual wellbeing. This is a big challenge, to love in the same way as Jesus loves. Husbands are not told to rule over their wives or to treat them as inferior to them. It is a clear and direct command to love.
• Wives
Wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands. This is something that our world reacts to as archaic and wrong. But the Bible provides this ordering of relationship to enable a way forward if a couple cannot come to mutual agreement on a matter. Submission will be seen in a woman’s attitude towards her husband – how she thinks about him, talks about him, speaks to him and behaves towards him. Her behaviour is to be characterised by respect for him.
In 1 Peter 3, there is a description of a believing Christian wife, winning over her non-believing husband with her behaviour. Her purity and reverence are such that the husband feels drawn to her gentle and quiet spirit. There are other allusions to this in the book of Proverbs: “a wife of noble character is her husband’s crown”. This woman is not a doormat.
Consider the woman portrayed in Proverbs 31. She is a woman who brings her husband good not harm, all the days of her life. This woman is a shrewd business woman, she works outside the home, runs her household efficiently, is hospitable and generous to the poor and above all, she is a woman who fears the lord. This is quite a woman!
However, this woman is not a nag – “a quarrelsome wife is like a dripping tap” (Proverbs 19:13). A godly wife, is one who knows how to start difficult conversations with her husband. A wife is usually the one who notices the problems in a relationship. But a godly wife knows that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) and “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24). Knowing when and how to start conversations are qualities inherent in a godly wife.
5. God wants your marriage to have a lasting legacy
Finally, Christian marriages are ones with a kingdom focus. They recognise that their goal in life is not just to have a good life, to eat, drink and be merry, but rather, they see that they have a part in shaping future generations. Consider the marriage of Ruth and Boaz, described in the book of Ruth. Both were people who loved and feared the Lord, were of honourable and godly character. Their offspring are part of a lineage leading firstly to king David and eventually to the birth of Jesus. What a significant legacy they left! Couples such as Ruth and Boaz, Abraham and Sarah, Mary and Joseph, Priscilla and Aquila lived lives characterised by a love for their God and a desire for the kingdom of God to spread and grow. A healthy marriage will not be self-centred but will strengthen the ability of both partners to serve God faithfully.
6. Conclusion
There is much in the bible to challenge couples in their marriage. For couples who are just married, you have made a significant promise to each other, to love and cherish each other for life. It is a relationship worth nurturing and cultivating.
