A quilt for May

I have just finished this lap quilt for my Mother-in-law May.  After her stroke before Christmas, she has made a remarkable recovery and is home being cared for full time by her husband of over fifty years.  He is an inspiration as their lives are altered beyond comparison.
May spends most of her day sitting in their back room which can be quite cold.  I made this quilt for her to put over her knees.  It is a two-sided quilt - one that is bright and cheerful - the fabrics begged to be made how it has turned out - I had no plan - it just happened, while I made the other side more mellow and muted, so she can decide whether she needs cheering or soothing.
I have made a number of quilts recently for babies, so it was fun to make one for a person of more mature years.  It is soft and snuggly and hopefully will keep her warm.
I gave this quilt to May last weekend and she looked thrilled to receive it.  Communicating is not easy for her, but there were many smiles - Alan, her husband told us that she had rarely smiled during the previous week.  I machine pieced the front and back and hand quilted it using an embroidery cotton.  I love this range of fabrics and two other projects designed using them.

Truth by Peter Temple

Two nights ago I finished reading Peter Temple's latest book Truth.  To be perfectly honest, I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached its final page.  Peter Temple is an earthy writer and I felt like I had spent  my reading time in the gutter in Melbourne - it depicts the darkness of our world that I sometimes try to pretend does not exist - but exist it does and this book confronts the reader with its reality in all its shades of blackness and evilness.
This morning I awoke to the news that this book has won this years Miles Franklin Award.  Am I surprised?  I haven't read any of the other books that were shortlisted but it is rare for a crime writer to be awarded such a prestigious writing award.  One of the criteria for the judging is that the book "must present Australian life in its many phases".    This book certainly does this.  It is just not a pleasant phase to read about.
Most of us will have watched Underbelly on television and read reports in the media about the criminal under life of Melbourne.  We have also watched the recent bushfires and its impact on the surrounds of this city.  Peter Temple combines these two themes into his book - it is summer, hot, smoky, smelly and we are confronted with the death of a young woman, closely followed by a gangland torture killing.  Steve Villani, the head of the Homicide squad is set to investigate both these crimes, but is strongly warned off investigating the death of the woman.  This does not stop him or his team.  As the story unfolds, we find out about Villani's childhood, his family life, his disintegrated marriage, his daughter Lizzy and her drug problems, as well as the corruption in the government, police department and the lives of the rich and wealthy.
Temple is understated in his writing, and uses words sparingly and well.  Despite the lack of flowery descriptive language, I can smell the fire, feel the relentless heat and see the world that he describes - quite remarkable.  The theme of truth unites all the different stories into one complete story - Villani is determined to find out the truth about what really happened to the girl who died who bears an uncanny resemblance to his daughter Lizzy.  He is also confronted with facing the truths about his own life - how his father feels about him, his past and why his marriage is over, also what sort of father has he been to his own children?
There is wonderful description in the book of a forest that Villani and his father planted years ago - it is the only place of beauty and sanctuary to exist in the entire book.  Even it is threatened by the fire - but miraculously survives: "Scorched, the outer trees singed.  They would lose some.  But everywhere, in their circles and clumps and paths, the oaks were in full glorious summer green leaf."  This single sentence could easily be missed, but indicates to me, the reader that truth will prevail - it survives - as does Villani.
This morning I read Psalm 52, and in a way, this book is almost a modern day tale with a similar theme.  In this world, there are those who love evil, who store up much wealth, and who love falsehood rather than speaking the truth, those who trust in their own wealth and grow strong by destroying others.    David ends this Psalm:

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.  I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good.  I will praise you in the presence of your saints."  v8-9

There is an encouragement in the book, that the evil will one day be laid bare and shown for what they really are.  Truth does survive all. The challenge is to continue to put my trust and energy in the things of God - they will stand and survive.
If you love a good crime thriller, you will want to read this one.  Henning Mankell writes similarly about life in Sweden.  It is almost easier to read books like this that are set in another country.  Sadly, there is no Commissario Brunetti, who is the main character in all of Donna Leon's books, who writes about similar themes, she manages to sooth her readers with the wonderful descriptions of his home life and the food he eats and his little visits to coffee shops.  There is none of that in Truth - it is relentless and harrowing.

Priorities of a wise Mum 10

Couple with seven children in front of their cottage with bark roof, Hill End, 1871-1875 / American & Australasian Photographic Company, originally uploaded by State Library of New South Wales collection.


I don't have seven children and I certainly don't live in a home that resembles this.  Imagine doing all of life in a space like this - with seven children!  Especially when the weather is wet day after day - it makes me understand where the expression "cabin fever" might have derived its meaning.
Last night I was listening to two women speak about their lives overseas.  One lives in Paris, the other in Florence and both have four children.  How does that sound?  Wouldn't their lives be wonderful living in such culturally rich places?  What a difference to the above photo where this Mum lived in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by mud.  However, both these women have lived in very small apartments and the weather for most of the year in that part of the world is cold and wet.  I am sure they both regularly experience cabin fever.  Both women shared how in the midst of wet weather, they would dress their children up in wet and warm weather gear and get out to let off steam.
I remember a holiday from years ago when I was a child, we were at a beach house, us and another family and we had had a week of cold,wet weather.  One morning after breakfast, my mother told us to dress in our swimmers, with rain jackets and go to the beach and entertain ourselves.  She didn't want to see us again until lunch time.  Cabin fever.  She had probably had enough of scritching and scratching, and noisy children.  It is only now, years later that I finally understand her behaviour.

One of my favourite childrens picture books is called Five Minutes Peace by Jill Murphy.  It is about the Large family, and Mrs Larges attempt to find five minutes peace from her children, by shutting herself in the bathroom and having a hot bath.  Her peace lasts for three minutes and forty five seconds.
A wise Mum understands the reality of cabin fever and has developed strategies to cope when cabin fever hits.  I liked what my friends from Europe did - they headed outdoors to allow their children to let off steam.  I am sure this was my Mother's intention all those years ago.  Having lived most of my life with small children in smallish inner city houses, this was one of my coping strategies - we had a dose of the park - daily.
Last week I spent the morning with a group of young Mums from my church - they meet every week for bible study and prayer and general support.  Most of them looked tired - a couple had faced a major tantrum with their child before breakfast, some had tiny babies and had been woken during the night for feeding, several were fighting colds while for others, it had been an effort to get there at all.  On reflection, I think some of these women have cabin fever and need five minutes peace from life.
This is where good friends can be balm - letting a friend or relative look after your children so that you can have a break and collect your thoughts, your brain, your energy, your self-respect and integrity.  If you feel slightly feverish and cooped up, can I encourage you to ask someone for help -  if they could look after your children, even for an hour, just so you can have some space.
Getting out and time out are helpful, however, there is another coping strategy that we are good at forgetting.
For the last ten days I have been immersing myself in Psalm 62 and soaking the riches its words contain.  It is a beautiful Psalm, filled with the image that our God is a rock, a fortress, our salvation, our hope and our refuge.  Reading it, I get the sense that David, who wrote the Psalm is almost reminding himself that his soul can find rest in God.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation;  he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honour depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.  Psalm 62:5-8

I love the idea that we can pour our hearts out to God - any time and that He is there as a refuge.  When cabin fever hits - we can take refuge by turning to God and telling him how we feel - He will cope with this.  Even finding a space on your own, open your bible and reading this Psalm and praying will help you survive cabin fever.  Try it.

Priorities of a wise Mum 9

caterpillar to butterfly by jungle mama.  Photo found on flickr.
What an exquisite photo!  I have always loved butterflies.  I love the life cycle of the butterfly, which is one reason why I adore the story of the very hungry caterpillar by Eric Carle.  This rather dull and tiny caterpillar pops out of an egg and  begins to eat and eat and eat until he becomes one very fat caterpillar.  After putting himself into a cocoon he emerges completely transformed into a beautiful butterfly.  I remember becoming a Christian and feeling a bit like that caterpillar - I emerged a new and unique creature.  It was a miracle of sorts - just as every time a butterfly emerges from that cocoon - it is a reminder of the beginnings of new life.  Life as a butterfly...life as a Christian...how do we continue living life as if we are that beautiful butterfly?

...since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." Colossians 3:9-10

Isn't that new self a beautiful creature in contrast to the old?  How is it possible to develop and cultivate this new self?  A wise Mum, indeed any wise Christian woman will know that this is a good thing to work on.  And yet, Mums with babies and small children will probably struggle with this. Most of the time we don't feel like a butterfly, let alone a beautiful butterfly.
Are you familiar with the story of Mary and Martha.  For years, I identified strongly with Martha.  Why did Mary get commended?  It was Martha who was bustling around getting food ready, cleaning up and  doing the chores while Mary simply sat.  But she wasn't simply sitting, she was seated at the feet of her Lord - Jesus - and she listened to his words.  Jesus simply told Martha that Mary "had chosen what was better." (Luke 10:38-42).
Good, better, best.  In life we will often have to make choices on how we spend our time and a wise Mum knows the value of turning towards Jesus and doing this regularly day after day - not just when she feels inclined.
After children arrive, it is hard to have long uninterrupted blocks of time to read the bible, listen to a sermon on an ipod or spend time praying.  We can set the bar too high and in the process we turn away from our Lord.  It is easy to fill our day with distractions.  There is always something that needs doing, seeing to, fixing or just our time and energy.
Some practical suggestions:

• Think about your daily routine and work out a time that might be a "doable" time.  Are you an early morning person?  Are you a night owl?  What are your children's routines?  Do they have a sleep or rest time?  Decide on a time and see if you can commit to it each week day.  Start with just 5-10 minutes - even five minutes most week days is better than no minutes a day.  If we are women who regularly set time aside to be with our Lord - God will use His word to change us and make us more Christlike.  God uses His word to nourish our souls and to feed our hearts and minds.  If we don't read it, we will gradually starve and stop looking like that butterfly. If this seems all too hard, don't berate yourself or be too hard on yourself.  Sometimes life can be hard and just to get through each day is enough.  However, it is something that is of immense help and encouragement if and when it happens.

• Don't give up the habit of meeting with God's people.  With small children and busy lives, it is tempting to use Sunday morning as the catch up morning to sleep in, to be slow and to have five minutes peace.  Or, do you belong to a bible study group?  Don't stop going.  Don't let children's sleep routines distract from time with God's people, listening to His word being read and spoken about, spending time with His people praying for each other and encouraging each other.  I love this exhortation:

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."  Hebrews 10:24-25 

Good, better and best.  We will constantly have to choose how to spend our time. Don't you want to keep being like that butterfly?

Priorities of a wise Mum 8

Happy Couple, originally uploaded by Just Us 3.
This is a favourite photo of mine.  If you follow the link,  you can read the story about this couple.  They call each other Dear and Honey.  They have clearly been together a long time and enjoy sharing their lives with each other.  This photo captures something beautiful about a marriage that is happy and connected.  A wise Mum recognises that her marriage is a central relationship in her life.  You won't just drift into a happy marriage.  Your children will not grow up, leave home for you to then have a deeply fulfilling and happy marriage.  If you are not investing in your marriage now, it won't be there when you reach a new season in your life.
A couple who are not emotionally connected are a couple who are unhappy and lonely.  It is quite possible to hide the extent to which the hurt and disappointment you are feeling is impacting you both,  and it can be quite a surprise to friends and church communities when a relationship breaks down.  It does not have to be that way and it does not involve making gigantic steps that seem like hard work.
The best gift you can give your children is a good marriage.  It is the best gift you can give your church community and the best gift you can give to our broader community.  When a marriage breaks down, lots of people suffer and there will be a ripple effect that continues to impact the lives of others.
If you are reading this and have three children under the age of five, this will probably be one of the most challenging times in your marriage.  It is hard work!  I remember being told this at a marriage workshop, as I sat knitting, heavily pregnant with my third child.  I heard it and then experienced it first hand.
It will usually be the wife who recognises warning signs that all is not going well in a marriage.  If you feel like there are some cracks, you can do something about it - seek the counsel of an older woman who you trust as a start - don't leave it too late or hope that magically, things will improve on their own - they won't.  Often the first step to rebuilding emotional connection is admitting that things could be better and making a decision to do something about it.
If this is not your experience, give thanks to God and continue to nurture your relationship with your husband - invest by setting aside "couple time", have fun together and show appreciation for each other.  If you love your children, invest in your marriage.
Last night in bible study, we looked at this passage from the book of Hebrews:

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:14-16

This passage follows an earlier verse about how God sees into the very core of our beings - that everything is uncovered and laid bare before Him.  When things are not good, it is tempting to want to hide away with shame.  These verses are a strong exhortation to each of us to approach the throne of grace - at any time when we are in need.  My prayer for each of you who read this, is that you will not only hold firmly to your faith, but will also ask for help in facing your hurts, disappointments and vulnerabilities. 

After River

I have been a bit like a caterpillar of late, as I have read my way through a huge pile of books that I was fortunate enough to get and it has been wonderful.  I have recently finished reading this book "After River".  It is written by Donna Milner and she writes beautifully.  If you have read any of Joyce Carol Oates's books with any enjoyment, you will like this book.  It reminded me of "We were the Mulvaneys" which is harrowing to read, but memorable and thought provoking.  As is this book.

River is the name of a young man who arrives at a dairy farm in British Columbia in the mid 1960s.  River is an American draft dodger, who has illegally crossed the border to escape the Vietnam war.  The Ward family are dairy farmers in a tiny rural community.  The story is told by Natalie, the youngest and only daughter who is fifteen when River arrives.

The narrative moves backwards and forwards in time and the reader gradually fills in the gaps about what happens in the mid 1960s two years after Rivers arrival that tears this close family wide apart, shattering and changing their lives for ever.  It is a story about shame, secrets, small town prejudices, harboured hurts and the loss of innocence and the impact of an event on each member of this family.  It is sad and I had tears streaming down my face by the end.  There is much in the book that you could say is too coincidental or contrived, but it might have happened.  I was reluctantly drawn into the world of Atwood - a remote village in the Rockies and felt as if I was an invisible observer and participant.

It is easy to think that life was better in the "good old days", where there was no internet, computers, mobile phones, and that life in a small country village was wholesome and without problems.  Isn't that the problem the Israelites had?  Soon after they had been freed from slavery in Egypt, they were grumbling and complaining.  All they could think about was the food they had to eat - it was if they have forgotten the hardships of life in Egypt, as in their minds they had forgotten all of that in the light of the present hardships they were facing.  We can do this today and think that our life would be better, easier or less complicated if we lived in a remote village - away from the evils and perils of today. We could protect our children and ourselves if we lived in such a world.  Reading this book made me realise that life was fairly complicated back then too - many of the prejudices and "taboo subjects were the background to my childhood - I am not that sure that I would like to return to such a world.

I liked all the characters in this book and felt their realness, their pain and their hurts.  I can imagine what Atwood must be like - dominated by high mountains, five months of snow, and living in the shadows of the mountains that plunged the valley into darkness for most of the year - not always the idyllic place of our imagination.

Priorities of a wise Mum 7

Seasons of Life.jpg, originally uploaded by mbmc2122.
I have not written a blog post for a while for a number of reasons, but one concerns the seasonal nature of life.  Life has its seasons and a wise Mum understands this reality.  Living in Sydney, we don't really get to taste the four seasons of the year - it seems to move from summer to winter without much autumn.  I have a confused flowering plum tree in my garden who often thinks that autumn is the time to blossom and then it is flowering again in September.  But Ecclessiastes 3 looks at life in this way:  "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.  A time to be born and a time to die, .. a time to weep and a time to laugh..." 
If you are a mother of small children and babies, it is worth reminding yourself daily that this is a season and that it will pass.  I have three children who no longer demand to be read to, sung to, cuddled, nor do they throw totally irrational tantrums while out - they have passed that stage.  

Two weeks ago, I was plunged back into this season while looking after my nephew and niece.  Their  "stay at home dad" was having surgery and their Mum works full time.  I looked after them for four days and came home exhausted.  What did I do during this time?  I survived.  I tried to keep two children happy, fed, watered and safe and it was full on.  I didn't have much energy left to do anything else.  Jaden has down syndrome and is aged four, but he is reaching his normal milestones slowly.  Talia is 18 months old, but in many ways is easier to care for than her older brother.  
I took Jaden to his early intervention program and then had to work out the logistics of removing two children from a car in a car park and walking them safely to the playground.  We visited a number of parks, with no gates, right beside Lake Macquarie.  Sometimes they both decided to run - in opposite directions - one towards the road, the other towards the water.  I didn't attempt a shopping trip with the two of them.  We had mini picnics sitting in the sunshine, we read numerous books, we sang endless songs, we giggled together, I changed nappies from wriggling bodies and I cuddled them through furious tantrums, I put them to bed and hoped they would sleep.  I was in bed at 8.30 every night - even the lure of "PS I love You" on television was not enough to tempt me to stay up - I needed to sleep.
This season of life is physically exhausting and if you are a mother with children of this age, let me tell you - it is hard work!  You do this stuff day in and day out relentlessly, and it must seem unending.  But.... it passes, that is if you stop having babies.
It is easy to focus on the negatives of this season of life and yes, they are there, but there are many special joys - I love spending time at parks in the sunshine - this is not something I do any more.  I love reading children's picture books - surprisingly, I no longer have children who clamour for another story.  I love singing songs with children but today, my children never ask me to sing with them - they would probably die of embarrassment if I burst out into song.  Each morning these children would greet me with the biggest smiles and the biggest cuddles - that was so lovely.  Yes, it was an early start, but their happiness was infectious.
A girl in my bible study group is about to give birth to her first child.  She told me that she is not worried about being a Mum to a baby, but she is worried about being a Mum to a teenager.  But we sow the seeds of what our children will be like as teenagers when they are small.  If you are a wise Mum, you are able to focus on the season you are in with its good parts and not so good parts and know in your mind that it will pass and a new season will begin - all in good time.
The year that I had a son start High School, my other son was doing his HSC was when I had a mild stroke.  Not exactly a good time to go out of action as a mother.  Looking back, I am certain that part of us surviving as a family during that year was from the time I had invested in my children when they were small.  They were full on, but that was pretty much my life and all I did.  If you are finding this season hard, the answer is not to distract yourself with other stuff or long for when your children are older.  The best thing to do is to commit your angst, your frustrations, your tiredness to the Lord and ask Him to lift you, to energise you and to be content with this particular season.

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my saviour; my God will hear me.  Micah 7:7