Priorities of a wise Mum 4

Amelia's supersonic ear, originally uploaded by awmogul.


I was waiting for someone to point out to me that I had omitted something from my last post.  There is a fourth way we can show our children that we love them and this is with the words we speak to them.  A wise Mum knows that her child has supersonic ears and will hear any and every conversation involving them.  The doors might be closed, your house might have thick walls, but somehow, they seem to be able to hear these conversations.  Don't get me wrong, they don't seem to hear with the same sensitivity when we ask them to do a task or run an errand - it is like they have "selective supersonic hearing".
Ross Campbell in his book "How to Really Love Your Child" explains how our words can be used to show our children our love for them.  It is more than saying to our children "I love you".  It is how you speak about them.  There are two Proverbs that seem to express the power of our words very clearly:

• "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."  Proverbs 16:24
• "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."  Proverbs 12:18

The words we use to speak about our children can build them up, encourage them, nurture them and make them feel ok about themselves.  However they can also crush them, hurt them and leave them feeling inadequate and unloved.  There have been times in my life as a mother, when I have had to work very hard at curbing the words I spoke about my children when they were in hearing distance.  It might have been over a coffee with a good friend while our children played, at a park with a group of other Mums or when my husband returned home at the end of the day.  Sometimes, my children had driven me wild, and I couldn't think of anything positive to say about them.  This is the time to shut up.

I had to consciously think, ok what is something positive or good that I can say about my child that has happened today - not always easy - and say that and leave my rant for later, behind closed doors and in a soundproof room.

Priorities of a wise Mum 3

Two of my favourite picture books that I read constantly to my children are called Love you Forever by Robert Munsch and The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown.  I loved them for a truth they communicated about how much a mother loves her child.  In the Runaway Bunny, the little bunny wanted to run away, but his mother told him she would run after him because "you are my little bunny".  Love you forever expresses the love a mother has for her child from birth to old age. It is rather sentimental and usually brings a tear to my eye, but there is a little verse that expresses a deep truth that a wise Mum wants to communicate to her child:  "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."

How do we show our children that we love them?   And I mean unconditionally love them? Do they feel loved only when they have pleased us?  When they have been good?    Do we love our children in the same manner that God loves us?  Unconditionally.  Without reservation.
To be perfectly honest, this is one of the hardest jobs I have ever been asked to do.  I think it would be easier to go bungy jumping and sky diving than to love my children in the same manner that God loves me.  If unconditional love was not modelled to us as a child, then it is even more difficult.  It is easy to leave our home, go to bible study, church or play group and put on a bright friendly smile, race around like a headless chook and come home totally exhausted to our children who we have no reserves left to deal with at all.  Our children need more than us telling them with words that we love them and apologies for our tiredness and grumpiness - yet again.
I am always challenged by how much God loves me:  "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God!"  1 John 3:1 or look at Psalm 103 in which the love of God for his people is expressed very clearly.  This is who we need to model ourselves on and pray that God will fill us with love for our children day in and day out.
If you are struggling with loving your children, take time to remind yourself of God's deep and unconditional love for you by pondering the words of this Psalm.
In Paul's letters to the Corinthians, he says something to his readers that is rather interesting.  He is clearly frustrated by their behaviour and is strongly rebuking them and he then says:  "What do you prefer?  Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?"  (I Cor 4:21.) Our children are children and by definition will behave childishly, irritatingly and annoyingly - constantly and the challenge is to not meet it with aggression, anger and harshness but with love and a gentle spirit.  I don't know about you, but I find this a hard call.
One of the wisest parenting gurus I know is Ross Campbell and he has written a number of books that explain in practical ways how to love our children with unconditional love.  I was given a copy of his book "How to really love your child" when Michael was four weeks old.  It is short and easy to read and I read it in one sitting and then returned to the beginning and read it more slowly.  Amazingly, it provided me with the tools and strategies to show my child - a tiny baby that I loved him, and amazingly, he is now almost 22 and it still provides me with the tools and strategies to show him, now a fine young man that I love him.
There are three ways we can demonstrate to our children that they are loved.  We can use eye contact - looking directly into our children's eyes - and not just when we are cross with them, physical contact - which will vary depending on age - cuddles, hand on shoulder, ruffled hair, back massage, and focussed attention - time alone with each child in which you do something just with them and you give them your undivided attention - your mobile phone is switched off, you are not giving them continual partial attention but your full attention.  Doing these things regularly with each of our children fills their emotional tanks and communicates that we love them.  I have made a new postcard based on Psalm 103.

You can follow the link to download and print and put it somewhere to remind yourself that our God is a God of love.  A wise Mum is one who approaches her children with this same love and a gentle spirit.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, originally uploaded by KarenSaraGaches.


I read this book over a year ago.  I was quite intrigued, as I had spent time with one of my daughter Susannah's friends and her mother and both had been completely engrossed by this book.  They both told me separately, that they had not been able to put it down.  As I am a bookworm and devour books, I purchased a copy and was hooked and became inseparable from it until I had finished the final page.  This is extremely dangerous when life beckons and there are many things that demand my attention.  I then got hold of the second book, and put my name down to get the third on its release last September.  They have been well read books, as I have passed them to different friends and work colleagues.
The film has just been released, and I went and saw it yesterday with a good friend.  I usually hate seeing the film of a book when I have enjoyed, but this time I was pleasantly surprised.  The film captures the main characters of Lisbeth Salander and Mikhail Blomkvist perfectly.  The story is well told - nothing is left to the imagination - it is fairly brutal, so there were times when I was grabbing Amal's arm and closing my eyes, but I enjoyed it immensely.  I am not going into details, as I don't want to spoil either the book or film for anyone.  But if you enjoy a thriller, you will enjoy this.
I have to confess that I love thriller books and thriller movies.  This often comes as a surprise to people who know me, but I am smitten.  I have a secret life of interest in the underworld of crime at work also, as I write regularly about criminal cases that have gone to court and about the law generally on a blog for legal studies students.  I am hoping that Keith will want to see it, despite not having read the book, so I can get to see it again.  Am I mad or ?

Pink

Pink, originally uploaded by kasia-aus.


There is a woman at my church who has breast cancer and is undergoing fairly aggressive treatment.    We have been praying for her over the last few weeks, since the diagnosis was made.  She has the most beautiful long chestnut hair, but the chemo is going to make her hair fall out.  As she has so much hair, this was going to be rather messy, so she decided to act first.  After church last Sunday, she asked a friend to cut and shave her beautiful crop of hair publicly and asked us to give money either to our church building fund or a charity of our choice.  A large number of us gathered with this brave woman while her hair was chopped.  
What emerged was a beautifully shaped head - in fact she radiated beauty.  One of those watching, was Steve, who lost his wife to cancer four years ago leaving him to raise their two little girls as a single Dad.  It was almost a time of celebration, as we prayed for her, as she undergoes months of horrible treatment.  Amazingly, five and a half thousand dollars was raised as collectively, we wanted to show this woman that she is not alone and that we walk with her.
This morning she arrived at church, newly shaved, her head uncovered and she looked beautiful.  She had a pink rose on her necklace and wore a soft pink scarf around her shoulders.  
Having walked with my Mum with breast cancer six years ago, she lost her hair also, and has been given the all clear every six months since, and more recently, my Mother-in-law who had radiotherapy treatment late last year,  I appreciated the opportunity to demonstrate in a practical way my support for this woman. 
I found this photo on flickr, and it captures how sometimes out of the bleakness of life, a surprise emerges, as we see people survive the difficult times they face - they are able to smile and walk bravely trusting that they have their God with them and they are not alone.

Priorities of a wise Mum 2

21st birthday quilt

My niece Caitlin has just turned 21.  I had wanted to make a quilt for her birthday, so I asked her sister, her mother and all of my children "if I made a quilt for Caiti, what colours should I use and what sort of design should I do?"  Each time I had the same response "she will like whatever you make for her".  This was singularly unhelpful, but undaunted, I took Susannah with me to shop for fabric.
This was a year ago - I thought I would give myself plenty of time to get it made.  We went to one of my favourite shops Prints Charming in Annandale armed with a  Kaffe Fassett book containing a quilt design that looked effective and reasonably easy.
We had a fun time choosing fabric - we bought just enough for the quilt I had selected and it sat looking beautiful in plastic wrapping.  A year ago I was not at all well and the idea of starting this project was a little overwhelming, so it sat until the beginning of this year.
In January, I took time off work, thinking that Keith would have finished writing about Ricky and we could go away, but his deadline was moved, due to other events that happened in our family, so I had time to fill, and I constructed this quilt!
The fabric that Prints Charming use is beautiful to sew - it is soft - I am not really sure what else to say about it, except it is a dream to work with.  There have been times over the last few weeks when I have had to quickly hide this project, as Caiti often visits.  I finally completed quilting it on the weekend and gave it to her this morning.
This quilt was a pleasure to create and I am hoping that Caiti will use it to snuggle under while watching TV or asleep in bed and that she can drape it over the easel which Mum gave her for her birthday when she is not painting.
I would love to artistically display this quilt in the fashion of Kaffe Fassett, but alas, as with decorating birthday cakes, this is not my forte.  But it did look lovely in our garden.

The Doorbell Rang

This book was a great favourite of mine when my children were small.  It is quirky. Imagine the excitement of two children being given a plate filled with freshly baked choc chip cookies, and working out they can have six each, only to have to share them with others?   Each time the doorbell rings, the number of cookies they can each have diminishes.   But the doorbell keeps ringing and that clean kitchen floor gets muddier and muddier.
My children are much older, but our doorbell rings - often.  Sometimes I come home never quite knowing who will be there.  I rarely have choc chip cookies around, or muffins, or anything much, but the kettle is often put on and a cup of tea is made and shared.  Susannah makes the best choc chip cookies in our family and we all enjoy them when she has baked.
There is a sense of chaos in this domestic scene which resonates with the domestic chaos I regularly find in my home - bags left on the floor, a pile of shoes by the door, piles of mugs, glasses and plates beside the kitchen sink, a freshly washed kitchen floor no longer quite so sparkly clean.
How can I complain?  Didn't I teach my children about generosity, sharing and hospitality?  Isn't this a book we read again and again?  I now watch them welcome their friends and neighbours into our home filling it will laughter, noise and chaos and still the doorbell rings and I am glad.