Girls and caring adults

This morning I read Nicole's blog posting the disappearance of caring adults and felt compelled to respond, and thought I would on my own blog. Nicole poses the question "what do you think we can do as Christians to be counter-cultural in this area? How can we make ourselves more available to our children, and other people's children?" and I would like to respond that most young Christian Mum's I know are counter-cultural in the way they are raising their girls - they are thoughtful, Godly, wise and seek to do the best job they can in raising their daughters.  Keep doing what you are doing.


When I think about raising my own daughter, who is almost 20, I am exceedingly thankful for the caring adults who surrounded her. She had wonderful grandparents who regularly had her to stay overnight, wonderful aunts and uncles who spent time with her and family friends - from our church and from different networks.  I belonged to a weekly bible study group called "Friday Morning Group" and this group was a place that nurtured and cared for Mums and children.  Our children grew up together.  Different Mums would take Susannah to sport, music - we shared the driving, we regularly had each other's children over to play, for a sleep over, for lunch.  I don't think any of us intentionally worried about how our children would turn out, we simply did the best job we could at that time.  We chatted with them, cooked with them, had fun with them and celebrated together through milestones passed.  There were also times of tears, disappointment and sadness, but again, it was shared.


I used to meet up with a friend regularly to pray for our daughters and together we shared those times when our tempers were fraught.  I have another couple of friends who I shared deeply and openly with about different issues that arose - each time, knowing that my thoughts would go no further.  I would get encouragement, simply by sharing that it was ok, I could trust God with my precious daughter, that God would use me, despite my sinfulness and that He was Susannah's Father, not her grandfather!


I remember the wise words of a friend who said that it takes a village to raise a child and how true that is.  When our children reach adolescence, they need time with other adults who don't see only their bad points.  


My observations of many young Mums today is that they are fearful.  They are scared of screwing it up, that their daughter will abandon their faith, that their daughter will behave in inappropriate ways, dress inappropriately, speak inappropriately and develop disastrous friendships.  They are fearful that the world will corrupt their daughters.  When such Mums read comments such as those made by Steve Biddulph, and books such as Getting Real it raises all those fears to the fore.  "How can I stop this from happening to my own daughter?"  Sometimes I wonder whether they worry too much and don't see that they are already living and modelling healthy patterns of behaving and that their daughters will be ok.


Thinking about this today, I have realised that Psalm 37 speaks to us Mums quite personally.  I have been reading and thinking about this Psalm for over a year now, but it speaks just as clearly to me today, as it did over a year ago. In the first few verses, the writer encourages his readers not to fret.  Why were they fretting or filled with angst?  Because of the evil and wickedness of the world and how it looks like it is such people who are thriving.  What do Mums fret about? perhaps that their daughters will be swallowed up by the world and that the evil in this world will dominate and win them over.


Let me quote from Psalm 37:


"Do not fret because of evil men
       or be envious of those who do wrong;
  for like the grass they will soon wither,
       like green plants they will soon die away.
  Trust in the LORD and do good;
       dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
  Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.
  Commit your way to the LORD;
       trust in him and he will do this:
  He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
       the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
  Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
       do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
       when they carry out their wicked schemes.
  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
       do not fret—it leads only to evil.
  For evil men will be cut off,
       but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."  verses 1-9


It is quite a long Psalm, but the main thrust is for the reader to trust in the Lord.  A few verses on:



"If the LORD delights in a man's way,
       he makes his steps firm;
  though he stumble, he will not fall,
       for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
  I was young and now I am old,
       yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
       or their children begging bread.
  They are always generous and lend freely;
       their children will be blessed."


There is a beautiful image here - if we as Mums are living life delighting in the Lord, that He will look after us and not abandon us or our children.  


Don't fret, trust God.  He will forgive us when we screw up as mothers and we turn to Him in repentance and He will not let us or our children fall.


I was not the perfect mother, and I am sure I did many things wrong.  I am sure that my children would rattle off a list of things that I did wrong.   But I can trust God and I can delight in Him day by day and encourage my daughter and the girls who spend time in my care to delight in the Lord.  As I look at Susannah today, I thank God for the young woman she is becoming.  God has held her firmly in the palm of his hand, and she bears testament to the influence of many other women on her - certainly not just mine.  She is now spending time with younger girls - leading a youth group, teaching Sunday School and I can see that she is becoming one of those caring adults that Steve Biddulph is encouraging each of us to be for our children.