On being a counter-cultural mother

I found Nicole’s response to my earlier post thoughtful, honest and challenging.  In many ways, I am not sure how to respond.  

http://www.flickr.com/photos/9788687@N03/2601646999/in/set-72157601962393975/


The first thing I would say is, it is worth reminding ourselves daily, or maybe even hourly that we are not alone – we have a Father who walks with us and holds us by our right hand and that he loves our children even more than we do.  Perhaps write out a verse such as Psalm 73:23-26 or Proverbs 3:5-6 and read them every morning before you greet your children.  And we can trust this God!  He will use us, despite our sinfulness, despite our weaknesses and despite our fallen world.  (If you follow the above link, it will take you to this postcard and you could print these verses out.)

I thought I would also suggest some very simple ways that mothers can be counter-culturally different:

1.    Greet each of your children each morning with a smile, a hug and a kiss.  Find out what is big for them that day – how do they feel about going to school, pre-school, whatever it is – what is in their heads about their day?

2.    End each day saying good night to your children – give them a big hug, a kiss, tell them you love them, while you gaze into their eyes.

3.    Have a family night each week – perhaps a fun dinner that everyone enjoys, and then together play cards, a board game, watch a dvd – something that you all enjoy as a family.  This might be the night you have fish and chips and ice cream – if that is what your children enjoy.

4.    Think of something positive to say to each of your children every day that communicates your fondness and admiration for them.

5.    Have a “connect conversation” with each of your children in which you listen to them.  If they tell you they are tired, or angry don’t respond by saying that they couldn’t possibly be feeling tired, or that anger is not a good thing to feel.  Let them tell you how they are really feeling, so that at the end of the conversation, they feel like you have really listened to them.

You can start doing all these things with toddlers and pre-schoolers.  If your children grow up knowing that you listen to them, they are more likely to tell you about things when they hit their 'tweens and teenage years.  You can cultivate an environment in which you can talk to their child about their choice of clothes, their behaviour, their friends.  It is from that basis, that you can challenge them and get them to think through decisions they are making.


You will be modelling behaviour to your children that speaks more loudly than a thousand spoken words or lectures or rants. Each of the above communicates love and care.  If you have lots of children, this might be a rather overwhelming list, but they don’t have to be big conversations. 

You will notice that I have said nothing about bible reading, devotions or prayers.  Doing these things with our children is extremely important, but I wonder if we do them at the expense of taking the time to listen to our children.

If your response to this list is that you don’t have time to do any of these things, then you and/or your children are too busy.  Look at what is happening in your daily and weekly routine.  If your children are at school, what activities do they have after school?  Do you all get home at the end of an afternoon and collapse in a heap?  A rule of thumb I had with my children was one musical instrument and one sport.  My daughter wanted to do gymnastics, which involved three afternoons and Saturdays and I said no.  She might still be sad about this decision, but I knew I couldn’t cope with the driving involved in making that happen. My children’s favourite afternoons were those when they simply “came home”.  So we did a lot of this.


What do you think?